CHAPTER ONE OUR YOUTH

We grew up with Clint Eastwood anti heroes. We built things with Lego’s™ and Lincoln Logs™ with the express purpose of destroying them. We grew up with action figures. They were NOT dolls. Barbie™ is a doll. Ken™ is a doll. They had each other. G. I. Joe™ did not have a G.I. Jane. He did not even have a penis either, but that was a different era….he did not need to be anatomically correct. He was a lone wolf. He was always on the prowl for the next tour of duty. He was a mentor of The War.

terminology for the book

JARGON


(Items in bold italics are referenced to other JARGON entries) (items in bold are just for effect)

Like any great field general, I am aware of the need for effective communication and complete understanding of the words, phrases, and associated terms used in the battlefield. I have assembled a list, if you will, to assist in the ease and burgeoning familiarity with the terms henceforth used in this book. As a prerequisite to following the great adventure of guythings, you should read this first.



A

ACBF – After Ceremony Beer Fest. Some like to call this the reception. This event occurs after the wedding ceremony. This is the third most important part of a wedding to a guy.

ALL SEEING SPYING-GOVERNMENT – ASS-G. A substitute for the Orwellian term “Big Brother.” Some people may say it is a slam on G.W.B. maybe, maybe not.

ALPHA DOG – The leader of the guypack, or family pack. The dominant male in a guypack, or familypack

ANGLER’S CODE OF CONVERSATION – ACOC. Shut Up And Fish. SUAF. As seen on many t-shirts and bumper stickers. http://www.shutupandfish.net

ANSR - After Nuptials Sexual Reward. (pronounced answer, as in if you didn’t take a test drive there is your answer…the question is “Is she going to be good in bed?”) The second most important event tied to a getting married. If a test drive has not been conducted this would jump to first position, in terms of importance.

ASF – Amateurs Spouting Facts. Aka Assholes Spouting Facts. Aka, BullSh&t Artists. Aka BSA. (Not to be confused with Boy Scouts of America™). Aka Novice Spouting Facts. Aka NSF. Making up facts, or information to support what you are talking about, or explain your point of view, or just for the fun of it!

ASK AND ANSWER – AAA. A form of conversation, usually between a couple, or the police, or other prying body, involving asking a question with the expected response being an answer. A long and wordy, satisfying the inquisitor, requiring much thought, how can I get out of this conversation, answer. Or a stage of TBOGL.

ATOMIC BRAINIACS – Members of the Manhattan Project.

PREFACE

I am not a Psychologist, but Psychology was my minor and English was my major, during the 20 or so years, it took me to get my Associates Degree. Obviously, I took some time off in between classes, or I am “King of The Dullards.” Not me, I took several years off and I am a liberal arts transfer guy. Maybe someday I will transfer to a major university and receive a Bachelors Degree. I am not a doctor and I do not play one on television. I did not grow up in a posh subdivision of a major city, or in the poverty-stricken areas associated with the same. I grew up in the ‘Burbs. In a middle class neighborhood, in a middle class family. We were not poor, but we were not rich either.

I did not have a series of traumatic events; unless you count the times, I broke my glasses, lied to my father, or blew off my paper route. Those times, however, contributed to the course my life has taken. In other words, I have only the trials and tribulations associated with living in our modern world. I did not have a history of malfeasance, other than petty acts of vandalism and stupidity. They are part of The Trip and The War. I am no one special. I am pretty much an Average Bruce.