PREFACE

I am not a Psychologist, but Psychology was my minor and English was my major, during the 20 or so years, it took me to get my Associates Degree. Obviously, I took some time off in between classes, or I am “King of The Dullards.” Not me, I took several years off and I am a liberal arts transfer guy. Maybe someday I will transfer to a major university and receive a Bachelors Degree. I am not a doctor and I do not play one on television. I did not grow up in a posh subdivision of a major city, or in the poverty-stricken areas associated with the same. I grew up in the ‘Burbs. In a middle class neighborhood, in a middle class family. We were not poor, but we were not rich either.

I did not have a series of traumatic events; unless you count the times, I broke my glasses, lied to my father, or blew off my paper route. Those times, however, contributed to the course my life has taken. In other words, I have only the trials and tribulations associated with living in our modern world. I did not have a history of malfeasance, other than petty acts of vandalism and stupidity. They are part of The Trip and The War. I am no one special. I am pretty much an Average Bruce.

I was born too late to be a hippie, too early to be a member of generation x. I am member of the post hippie, pre gen x crowd, not really a baby boomer, but kind of forgotten in the shuffle. That is all right by me, I hate labels unless I am the one making them, or they are on the files in a file cabinet. Life is messy, but an office should be clean.

Through my late teens and 20’s I was a restaurant manager. It sucked. Unless you like working 70 hours per week while only paid for 50. Then it would be smashing! In my early 30’s I was a waiter and a bar tender, which was much better than managing a restaurant. It had moments of insanity, but also moments of euphoria. Then I got this wild idea to travel.

In my mid 30’s, in what some have called a mid life crisis, I dropped out. In an attempt to live off the grid, I spent about two years traveling with my dog Busker. We lived throughout Florida and the Keys in my van or in a quaint West Michigan Tourist town, Saugatuck, on my sailboat. I played guitar on the street, and did small remodel jobs. Those adventures are included in the book titled, What I did on My Summer Vacation, and a tale for another day.

Most recently, through my 30’s to present I have owned a business, in the construction trades. For a brief time, I was a millionaire on paper. That, however, blew up in my face, so to speak. The business I own did a volume of over 1.3 million, in one year, but who cares…I did not see much of it. The cash came in and then went out. The trials and tribulations of that FIASCO are in a book titled, How to Succeed In Business, (And What Not To Do). Again, that story is a tale for another day.

I have seen many interesting things, and met many interesting people. However, There are many more things to see and people to meet. I enjoy telling stories and regaling people with my life and times. Some people call me an applause junkie. Many people have said I need to be the center of attention. Some call me high maintenance. I prefer to think that I am simply entertaining. ICE-AISE.

I did not run scientific tests. I do not claim to be a man of advanced degree. I will not spew factoids from years of my documented research; however, I may borrow from other people’s documented research. I prefer to count my life and experiences, hence you could say I have lived my research from the time I was able to crawl. Some people may say that that living your research is simply ASF. Whatever. In fact, the majority of the research I do involves just being a man in a group of guys. My Guypack. And like all men, I am attending the Hominid University of Neanderthalic Knowledge. HUNK. We are all working on our Doctorate In Guythings- Including Thinking. DIG-IT. Hence, I am continually researching, as we continually grow into middle age. I will borrow some of their wisdom, as well as some of their foibles, and from past exploits, both theirs and mine.

I have used an eclectic mixture of pop culture, politics, headlines, the Bible, the internet, and any other source I find to support my hypotheses. You, however, can refute my findings by any means as well. But really, why waste your time? By virtue of compilation, I have already won. Read and enjoy. I will try not to fall into the “because I said so” mode of proving my point, but hey, I am also a father.

I am a satirist. I love generalizations, to make the point, not serious research, and pages of reference material to defend my points. My research on any topic will never exceed thirty minutes. Over thirty minutes is drudgery.

This book is NOT as a serious self help book to solve the equation of equality, or fix the various inadequacies of relationships, but to provide a realistic albeit, humorous viewpoint of men (and how the men I know think). It may be a thankless and dirty job, but someone has to do it. Right? Right! If you are looking for serious help, you need to find a serious professional. That, as time will tell, is not me.

I grew up in the 1970’s. If you are a man that is much younger, remember this; the major premise of our youth has changed very little in the past few decades, or even the last century. Hell, boys, since the dawn of time. However, the toys, props, and instruments of war have changed. With the advent of a plethora of video games, the activity of war and fighting has become more passive. Doesn’t matter. Boyhood is, was, and always will have a major element of war. We are always involved in The War. Winning and losing is still a major theme. The generations may come and go, but the art of being a boy is still and will probably always be a matter of competitive juxtapositions.

In order to understand what a man is, you have to understand the boy he was. We can only speak from our own experience in truthful understanding. It is not that men do not wish to understand women. No. We simply have difficulty in understanding the complexity of where women come from. Gods Cruel Joke.

Men are simple creatures. The fewer rules given to us the better. We think in the linear. If this then that. We think guythoughts. We are visual. We analyze from a completely different perspective than women, as we came from an entirely different youth world than they did. We have a pack animal mentality. And we have guythoughts.

Men are passionate, and understanding, and capable of depth of emotion, however, most of us were raised fearing being weak, inferior, or girlish. Displays of emotion, other than baring teeth, and warding off would be challengers with growls, or a loud tone, club, or sword is a distant concept to most men. This does not mean that women are inferior. They have value to men, however, they do not think guythoughts. ICE-AISE.

Boys did not want to be girls. We wanted to be men. Strong and courageous. Leaders and chiefs. The knight in shining armor. The protector of the weak. The Alpha Dog in the pack. We simply are not that complex. We want to rule our world.

If you have a question on some of the abbreviations or acronyms I have used you can refer to the appendix. They are explained 90% satisfactorily. Watch for the phrase “face it ladies.” If you see that phrase, although it may not make it through final edits, it means to show that paragraph to your wife, girl friend, or sig-oth. Just for kicks. It’ll be fun. Don’t blame me if you end up sleeping on the coach, or with the dog. At least 90% of the words in italics that are not direct quotes, are in the appendix.

I have heard that our perception shapes our reality. I hold this as the truth. The place we come from, our experience, shapes the way we view the world, and others in our world. The only way to change reality is to change perception.

Some of the things I say may upset some people. Tough. I am not making up a bunch of HHS, just to appease people. If you truly want to be able to understand what makes a man tick, what he is, and what he is not, it has to come from a guy, not Oprah, Vogue, Cosmo, or some other diatribe by a woman. It needs to come from the source. Oh, and by the way, we are not pigs. We are dogs…