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the truest bond of human experience is of our similar thoughts and actions that span the difference of gender and race.

Sunday, April 22, 2012



Men do have fears. However, the fears should not paralyze us. Writing this chapter is making me afraid. 

Just kidding. 

I am wary. Wariness is not fear. Trepidation is not fear. Fear must be tackled. This is smash mouth, in your face, straight up RDACE, facing fear.   

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
--- Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

“Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it.”
---- Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944)” [i]

Facing a fear is not easy. It is not always fun, however it is an adventure. It should not stop us. It should not paralyze us. There are many times when I have been afraid, some recent, most in my youth. I am not trying to say that I am Mr. Tough Guy, or invincible, but I do not dwell on fear. I lived in a van, and played guitar on the street, and that at times was scary… 

Fear is a disease. It is cured by facing it, head-on, with education, or stupidity.

I do not recommend the stupidity method; it is frequently used by the THMB&WTC. The cure is sometimes worse than the affliction. I do recommend facing and gaining education of your fears. That will cure 90% of the fears you have. 

Or stop watching horror films.

Fear can be good. It can help us make some intelligent choices. It can also be bad. It can make us make some stupid choices. Fear, however is typically neutral, although it may have helped in the propagation of the species.

“….From an evolutionary perspective, fear has certainly been a good thing, protecting humans.”[ii]

Yeah, right. Right? Maybe. Doubt it? Hmmmm. 

I am afraid I was not really paying attention. What are we talking about? 

Oh yeah, fear. 

Fears did help us at times in our historical past. And we did get rid of most of the witches, by burning them at the stake. And there is always the fear of failure. No one likes to fail. Fears are good?

If we had no fear, the world would be filled with the THMB&WTC crowd. Of course the world would only have a handful of occupants. Maybe that would not be so bad. It would sure cure those traffic snarls and road rage. 

Stupidity kills. There would be fewer wars, and terrorism. However, the species would not last either. Stupidity would see to that. 

Fear is good!

“If we open any recent book on the origins of religion, we find that there is one point on which all authors are in agreement. They agree that religion arose in the world out of fear.”[iii]

Wait a minute. 

People are dying because of religious convolutionists. Wars are started by these IOT.  Religion may have been created by and for the fears of our human minds; however, I am afraid that the creation of religion may be detrimental to the survival of our species. 

How is that for irony? 

The very question, fear, which religion is supposed to answer, creates more fear.  Pick up almost any newspaper today or refer to a history book and you can read about the bloody wars attributed to these religious intolerances and the persecution of people of differing religious beliefs. 

The Middle East. Ireland. The crusades. The Bible. 
There are many more.

Just the other day I was walking down the street and I saw a rabbi and a catholic priest involved in fist-to-cuffs. A group of Jehovah’s Witness’s were standing nearby, watching the altercation and quickly jumped into the fray, Then some Seventh Day Adventists and a group of Muslims got involved. 

The battle was in full swing. 

It was almost quelled when a Buddhist monk began to talk them all down from the ledge, however, an Amish buggy ran over the monk, and I had to break it up. 

Thankfully, I know how to calm people down. I merely started a conversation about the Detroit Lions. While we all had our own opinions on the upcoming season, we all could agree they have really sucked. Since MM came to town.

Until last year.
They were not bad. 

That and we all truly hate the Packers.

One of my biggest fears however, has to do with Sundays. And it is not about which religion to believe, which church to attend. Or that I will get skunked fishing. This fear is most prevalent in the fall, when the modern day gladiators assemble in the coliseums of cities like Green Bay, Denver, Dallas and of course, 
Detroit. On these particular Sundays, my favorite team, the LIONS, usually gets a spanking. I am afraid I may not live to see the LIONS in the Super Bowl, let alone WIN a Super Bowl. This thought send chills down my spine. 

Oh, and in case you are wondering praying does not help. 

Damn those Detroit Lions. 

However, I am not paralyzed by these fears. I keep on watching them play and lose. And while I am watching I am still able to knock down a couple Rolling Rocks.™  See, the ability to drink is proof that this horrific fear does not paralyze me. I face it. 

Every Sunday. During football season.

Fears, when they become irrational, become phobias. In case you wanted to know, the LIONS win just enough games to keep my fear from becoming irrational. I can justify anything. I am a LIONS fan.  However, there are many different phobias. 

Try this link if you want to find out how many there are. 

I stopped counting at seven, at which point my fear of the next number, eight, which I cannot mention due to my Octophobia, kicked in. My favorite phobia name is Arachnophobia. The movie was a bit lame, but I love the word. 
Arachnophobia… I really do not like spiders, they creep me out, crawling around in your mouth at night, and taking a big dump. 

That is where morning breath comes from, right? Spider poop?

There are also fears that men face when they are about to become a father. I would think the fear of having a daughter would be on this list. As a man, I have decided my daughter will not date until she is 35. Besides, as I mentioned earlier, I will scare off any WBS

I KNOW what guys want, I know what they will say when they are involved in TOBGL

Moreover, the fear of seeing her on television on a late night infomercial for Hotsie Totsie Naked Co-eds or the ilk, is well, you know just plain creepy. However, there is no mention of these very real and possible fears in the following quote.

“Seven fears expectant fathers face Security fears Performance fears Paternity fears  Mortality fears  Fear for your spouse's or child's health  Relationship fears  Fears of "women's medicine"[iv]

What the hell are fears of “women’s medicine”? I can grasp all the others, but “women’s medicines?” I thought we killed all the witches centuries ago. Didn’t we? Probably not, as there is this “women’s medicines” to be afraid of now. 

I did not research what this phrase means, however I can guess it has something to do with caldrons and boiling men, after the kids are born. 

Or voodoo dolls. 

I did not research it because I was afraid. No, moreover, I have already used my allotted time for research on other fear related nonsense.

"Perhaps the most famous fear quote of all time: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."
---- FDR - First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933[v]

Actually, there is only one thing men really have to fear is….Having a vasectomy…

“Having an operation involving the testicles is every man's fear. To a greater or lesser degree, just about every man would rather not have anything to do with a procedure on or near his genital region. Simply recognizing that this fear exists is a first step.” [vi]

BS…there is no first step for me. Step away from the grapes, and no one, especially me, gets hurt. I know guys that have had this procedure done. It has been horror story after horror story. Oh yeah, a couple guys have had a decent go ‘round with this procedure, but not enough to change MY mind. 

No thank you, I will pass. 

I would rather have my eyes gouged out with spoons. Phobia, fear, irrational? Do not care. Leave the sack where it is at, and we all will live to see another day.

“It's often a measure of comfort to the man that the vasectomy is far easier for him than surgical options would be for his wife.”[vii]

No way would it be a comfort to me. I do not wish anyone that kind of pain. Not even my wife! Unless it is a matter of life or death, I would NOT prefer my wife have this spayed-thingy, procedure, or surgery either.

I am afraid I have run out of things to say on fear. But this will not paralyze me. I have other topics to discuss. 

Together we have faced this fear thing... 

Let’s move on...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

many thanks to them that said it first...

i guess it is time to post up the post mortum, and give thanks...anything in "" is from this list somewhere...

i could do more and actually number it all but why? the damn bloggerer draft mode does not copy over the numbers for quoting.. i am giving credit where credit is due...i just realized i lost all numerical credits when copy and pasting... oh well...

oh and it is a twofer day. i will be posting the next chapter as well!

Billy Hirt, Jr.
 . 1984. George Orwell. 1949

Former President Bill Clinton.
 Peter Pan: Or The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up, 1904 J. M. Barrie

Phraseology from the 1970’s…don’t know who said it first…but it was a common t-shirt theme.

Donnie B. aka DP, Winter camping expedition 2005-01

Keith N. Winter camping expedition 2001.
 . Gary Bradshaw
 .Our Urgent Need For Self-Esteem Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D (Originally published in Excellence 5/14/94. Reprinted by permission.)
 . Increase Your Self-Esteem. Vatche Bartekian

Winter camp 2006.
 By Bjorn Carey Jan. 20, 2005

Billy Hirt, Jr. 2001 Winnetka, IL
 1988. Paul R. Ehrlich, David S. Dobkin, and Darryl Wheye.

Rich M.

Keith N. Minnestota fishing trip
 Deflating the Myth of Monogamy, David P. Barash

Loosely borrowed from the original “Planet of the Apes” movie circa 1970ish.
 By Arthur Fox 1998

“The Elephant Man”
 , 1980.
 (Meloy, 1998).

Jared P. Winter Camping 2005.

Lost in space. Television show CBS 1965
 .Jeff Cohen
 .Jeff Cohen
 .Camille Chatterjee. Psychology Today .Sep/Oct 99(Document ID: 384)

Keith N.

Rich M.

Title to a song by Cindi Lauper
 Girls Just Want to Have Fun
 .Sony BMG Music.

You know who you are, so I will not incriminate you.

Aunt Sharon c.1982
 Nature 423, 810 - 813 (19 June 2003), H. F. Willard

Jared P. Winter Camping 2005
 . Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation .1984

Hey , that’s my song, from Key West in 1998. wow. Shameless self-promotion, I. tell. you. what!

Internet joke author unknown.

Stan Lee editor Marvel Comics™ circa 1970.
©2005 Brooke Bessesen
 the Little Rascals.
/ Written By Tom Yohe and George Newall Based on an idea by David B. McCall Hyperion -New York
The Vegetable Conspiracy Woody Zimmerman, Reprinted from the Washington Scimitar, 1-23-04

Ed Johnson

Ed Johnson

Ed Johnson
 . 260 North Orlando Avenue Cocoa Beach, Florida Copyright ©2003 Shut Up & Fish All rights reserved.
 . Moby Dick. Herman Melville. Oxford University Press. New York.
 . Roger Waters. Pink Floyd. .Britania Row Studios, London January 23, 1977.

Youths in Rural U.S. Are Drawn To Military Recruits' Job Worries Outweigh War Fears Ann Scott Tyson

Friday, November 4, 2005; A01
 Copyright © 1996-2004 Fredd Culbertson Mapping Primal Fears Adam Marcus April 4, 2003 Handbook For Mankind.Buddhasas bhikkihu
By Jerrold Lee Shapiro, special to BabyCenter
 Copyright © 1996-2004 Fredd Culbertson

Thursday, December 10, 2009


We grew up with Clint Eastwood anti heroes. We built things with Lego’s™ and Lincoln Logs™ with the express purpose of destroying them. We grew up with action figures. They were NOT dolls. Barbie™ is a doll. Ken™ is a doll. They had each other. G. I. Joe™ did not have a G.I. Jane. He did not even have a penis either, but that was a different era….he did not need to be anatomically correct. He was a lone wolf. He was always on the prowl for the next tour of duty. He was a mentor of The War.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

terminology for the book


(Items in bold italics are referenced to other JARGON entries) (items in bold are just for effect)

Like any great field general, I am aware of the need for effective communication and complete understanding of the words, phrases, and associated terms used in the battlefield. I have assembled a list, if you will, to assist in the ease and burgeoning familiarity with the terms henceforth used in this book. As a prerequisite to following the great adventure of guythings, you should read this first.


ACBF – After Ceremony Beer Fest. Some like to call this the reception. This event occurs after the wedding ceremony. This is the third most important part of a wedding to a guy.

ALL SEEING SPYING-GOVERNMENT – ASS-G. A substitute for the Orwellian term “Big Brother.” Some people may say it is a slam on G.W.B. maybe, maybe not.

ALPHA DOG – The leader of the guypack, or family pack. The dominant male in a guypack, or familypack

ANGLER’S CODE OF CONVERSATION – ACOC. Shut Up And Fish. SUAF. As seen on many t-shirts and bumper stickers.

ANSR - After Nuptials Sexual Reward. (pronounced answer, as in if you didn’t take a test drive there is your answer…the question is “Is she going to be good in bed?”) The second most important event tied to a getting married. If a test drive has not been conducted this would jump to first position, in terms of importance.

ASF – Amateurs Spouting Facts. Aka Assholes Spouting Facts. Aka, BullSh&t Artists. Aka BSA. (Not to be confused with Boy Scouts of America™). Aka Novice Spouting Facts. Aka NSF. Making up facts, or information to support what you are talking about, or explain your point of view, or just for the fun of it!

ASK AND ANSWER – AAA. A form of conversation, usually between a couple, or the police, or other prying body, involving asking a question with the expected response being an answer. A long and wordy, satisfying the inquisitor, requiring much thought, how can I get out of this conversation, answer. Or a stage of TBOGL.

ATOMIC BRAINIACS – Members of the Manhattan Project.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I am not a Psychologist, but Psychology was my minor and English was my major, during the 20 or so years, it took me to get my Associates Degree. Obviously, I took some time off in between classes, or I am “King of The Dullards.” Not me, I took several years off and I am a liberal arts transfer guy. Maybe someday I will transfer to a major university and receive a Bachelors Degree. I am not a doctor and I do not play one on television. I did not grow up in a posh subdivision of a major city, or in the poverty-stricken areas associated with the same. I grew up in the ‘Burbs. In a middle class neighborhood, in a middle class family. We were not poor, but we were not rich either.

I did not have a series of traumatic events; unless you count the times, I broke my glasses, lied to my father, or blew off my paper route. Those times, however, contributed to the course my life has taken. In other words, I have only the trials and tribulations associated with living in our modern world. I did not have a history of malfeasance, other than petty acts of vandalism and stupidity. They are part of The Trip and The War. I am no one special. I am pretty much an Average Bruce.